


Looking Like A Write Off Now

by Hexworthy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Kindness starved Lotor, M/M, One Shot, Touch starved Lotor, angst resolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23445688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexworthy/pseuds/Hexworthy
Summary: Lotor was alone. He has always been alone and always will be. Nothing would change, except maybe it can?update 24.9.2020- now with art!
Relationships: Lance/Lotor (Voltron)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 115





	Looking Like A Write Off Now

**Author's Note:**

> Late bday present for my good friend, Hope you like it Ghostio!!!
> 
> UPDATE: Now with fanart from the wonderful  
> [@aeli_reen](https://twitter.com/aeli_reen) its gorgeous and thank you so so much!!

Lotor was alone. He would always be alone. His generals were friends with each other but not with him. Deep down, Lotor knew at the first opportunity they would ditch him. They would stay with him until they decided to cut their losses or find a better thing come around. He had tried to get close but nothing came from it, just distances that were too far to bridge. 

So there he was, bathing in starlight in a ship where everyone held him at an arms length minimum, distrusted and so very alone. The circular window allowed him to hunch over as he leaned on a knee, the strands of hair cascaded down his back and over his shoulder and Lotor didn’t have the heart to move it. His parents had left him alone when he was a child and no one paid more attention to his needs other than the bare minimum, and it seemed no one cared if they forgot a meal or his crying at night. That was before he learned crying and any means of greeting attention were a waste of time. Everyone had their own needs and his weren’t important. His own needs weren’t important even to himself. 

After being shoved into cryopod after cryopod and seeing everything he cared about torn away from him, he knew kindness wasn’t a thing he would have. It wasn’t a thing the universe would allow him to have and he knew in his heart of hearts, it wouldn’t change. 

So, when the Blue Paladin sat down him to stare out the window as well, he barely acknowledged it, scared to break the comfort of someone sitting with him. Not because they were forced to or had something to gain from it, though Lotor knew there was much to gain from himself. He was too used to people doing that and he learnt to wear his heart on his cheek and hide that he ever cared about feelings. 

Vargas passed and Lotor heard the soft snores from the man sitting opposite him, all that could be heard was slow grinding of machinery and the gentle hum of electricity, and the soft gentle snores. Lotor had always found him to be genuine, in his distrust and in his excitement, all the feelings that flowed through the paladin. Lance, his name was. Lance. The disconnect was hard to breach and it felt safer to not know Lance, lest the soft fondness inside of him overwhelm him. 

He gently carried the Blue Paladin back to bed and pulled a blanket over the sleeping figure, leaving him with a soft look and more questions than answers.

It became a habit, Lance joining Lotor. Whether it was in the dead of night or when he was alone and no one around. The never spoke just the silence filling the space and the undeniable flicker of some Lotor dared not name for fear it would be ripped from him. Lotor didn’t want to start a conversation, he wanted to believe that the silence meant he wouldn’t be yelled at, insulted and the remains of a tattered rug pulled from underneath him. 

The night was the same as any, Lance found him and sat with him, offering him some food he had picked up. Lotor had fought too hard against the training bots and it showed, he hadn’t slept and hurt. It was his birthday, a significantly awful day no matter what. 

“Why are you being kind to me?” Lotor choked out as his feelings started to eat at whatever control he had left. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Lance replied as his features softened, like he actually cared and he wasn’t assigned to just keep an eye on Lotor. Lance didn’t know his sins, what he had done to survive in the coldness and cruel life that he had found himself in. Lance didn’t know how expendable Lotor himself was, how there wasn’t anyone who would be kind. Not like he deserved it anyway.

But somewhere, something hit to close to home. Lotor shattered into tiny pieces and there was no way he would be able to put himself back together. 

Lance had noticed how sad Lotor was, the first time he had found Lotor bathed in starlight, forlorn and lost he chalked it up to needing some alone time. However, Lance kept an eye on him. How he hovered and left and how no one seemed to care. How many times had Lance been in the same position and just wished with his entire being to have someone there. Someone who didn’t have to do anything but notice and have their presence in his little bubble. 

He wanted to talk, but let Lotor set the pace, not pushing whatever it was that they were doing. He didn’t want to scare Lotor away, not when eyes that held galaxies glistened with barely contained tears or the way Lotor became so soft merely from Lance’s presence. Lance couldn’t even remember how he found Lotor’s birthday but he had and he had brought some cake he had made himself. It was basic but made with care and dare he say love? 

“Why are you being kind to me?” Did Lotor ever have any kindness shown towards him? From what he had seen from galran families there were less family orientated as kits grew older but still stayed in social groups. The idea that someone had never seen an ounce of kindness broke Lance’s heart.

“Why wouldn’t I?” And like that, as if the last remaining strands of Lotor’s composure snapped. Tears ran down his face as he curled in on himself and shied away from Lance, as if there was fear of retaliation. Lotor was in a ball and Lance knew that he hadn’t heard a kind word, let alone kindness in any form. 

“Hey, Lo? I’m not gonna hurt you, or yell,” Lance said, trying to keep his voice as calm and soothing as possible. “If you want me to go I will, but I’m here if you want me to be. I can offer a hug or if you’re not up for that, whatever you need.”

Lance barely had a chance to finish before Lotor tentatively looked up, looking for permission. Lance nodded and slowly moved to Lance’s side, he laid his head in the nook of Lance’s shoulder, but he was tense and holding himself back. Lance could feel it from the barely there contact and the way Lotor was shaking from containing his feelings.  
“You can cry, I wont judge, I’m here. I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

Lotor pressed himself into that nook, his body heaving with each breath as emotions that had been trodden down for too many years escaped his body. Lance was sure Lotor’s ribs and lungs would ache after this, but Lance decided he would be there. Everyone deserved kindness and Lance had never seen any reason to treat Lotor the same way everyone else did. Lotor didn’t yell or abuse anyone. Lotor didn’t intentionally hurt anyone, with weapons or words and apologised before leaving. Lotor trained into the night and sat looking out to the stars. 

Lance brought his hand up to Lotor’s head and started to stroke him, hoping it would help calm the sobbing man in his arms. He was content to let Lotor just cry, let out everything and exhaust himself. Lotor was worth more than a t shirt. 

They sat there until the sobs turned into dryer eyes and soft touches. Lotor pulled back slightly, looking Lance in the eyes.

“Why?” Hells, Lotor was kindness starved and Lance wouldn’t stand for that. It was true he found Lotor to be beautiful and developed a crush but that could wait.

“Because everyone deserves kindness and someone there. Even you. Especially you.”

Lotor heard the words lance had said. He heard them and he knew he wouldn’t be able to piece himself back together, to be who he was before Lance had brought him the bowl of that spongy food, it had a stick of wax that had burnt itself. Lotor’s entire being had been demolished by the tiny acts of kindness and rebuilding in isolation would do him in. 

He wondered if Lance would help him, become someone worthy of kindness, and said as much.

“You’re already worthy of kindness, just by existing and being you, faults and all.”

Lotor would give up everything to keep this moment, to keep Lance here and be drenched in the starlight. Not the cold comfort from the emptiness of the universe. But the warm love and magnificence that was exuded by Lance in the hope just a fraction would fall on him. Lotor decided that he would give everything up for Lance full stop. He felt fondness surge through him but ignored it in favour of just existing. For once free of the burdens and his own thoughts.

“Happy birthday Lo,” murmured Lance into his hair as he got comfy, wrapped up in arms he felt safe in. For the first time he felt wanted and even loved.


End file.
